No Crazy Here

Girl, you’re not going crazy.

Seriously, I don’t care if…

Your kids tell you you’re crazy because you have repeated yourself exactly eight times in four minutes…

Your husband looks at you with one eyebrow raised, like he’s just a little bit scared because you asked him the same question six times in one hour…

You lost your crap on one of your kids because they walked into the room the wrong way and it annoyed you…

You can’t remember anything without writing it down, when a few years ago you could keep track of ten appointments, your shopping list, your kids homework assignments, deadlines at work, bill due dates and a week’s worth of meal plans all in your head without ever missing a beat…

You showed up to work with your shirt on inside out….

True story…I was on my way to a meeting with a client and stopped at my fav coffee hut for my daily shot of that which I cannot function without (ok, I just recently discovered it’s a whopping 11 shots if I’m being honest, holy crap! 😲) and my dear, sweet,  twenty something barista who is always smiling and always dressed super cute with gorgeous curly locks says to me, “Girl….did you know your shirt is on inside out?”  No, no I did not.  Good lord, can I not even dress myself anymore?  With no time to go home and correct the situation, because you know, as usual I’m running late, that helpful young lady suggests I pull up behind a building and do a quick switcheroo.  And so I did.  I apologize to anyone who had the misfortune to witness that.

I mean, I could go on and on about the ways in which we FEEL like we’re going crazy.  Let me tell you, you’re not going crazy.  I’m not going crazy.  There is no crazy here, ladies. 

It’s called living life in the hood.  Motherhood.

Your hood is where you live, where you’re from, where your heart is, where your homies are.  It’s a beautiful place.

But it’s also a place where a lot of shit goes down. A lot of rough, smack you in the face, make you want to down a bottle of tequila and six tacos shit. Maybe even a bowl of guac and a bag of chips while you're at it.  Throw in a few Reese's cups for good measure and call it good.

And all that shit that's going down?  It usually means one thing.  Stress.  That evil sneaky piece of #$@*.  It will get you.  Get you good, my pretty. 

The day I realized I wasn’t going crazy is the day I also realized something else.  I can’t do it all, at least without consequences.  There, I said it.  My name is Brandy and I can’t do it all.  And you know what else?  I don’t want to do it all anymore.  I used to be able to do it all and make it look pretty damn easy.  I could bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan.  I could work full time, do the grocery shopping, pay the bills, juggle soccer practice, guitar lessons, scout meetings, be PTA President, den mother, help in my kid’s classes, keep the house moderately clean, nurse sick kids, help with homework, throw Pinterest worthy birthday parties, buy my husband’s underwear so he didn’t end up wearing pink Fruit of the Looms. Yeah, I’ll explain. 

Another true story, one Joe will likely not be thrilled I shared but it’s kind of a beginning of sorts for me.  When I started to figure out I couldn’t do it all and stay sane, I started with the other adult in the house.  Joe, buy your own damn underwear.  Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not like Joe couldn’t buy his own underwear or needed me to do it.  It’s just something I did.  I’m a caretaker, I enjoy taking care of things for people.  He hates to shop, I enjoy shopping and am in the stores more often, so it just made sense.  Why did I choose to start with this random, menial task?  I don’t fricking know.  Joe’s like, no problem, I can buy my own damn underwear.  So he gets on Amazon and orders a pack.  Easy peasy.  The Fruit of the Looms show up and it’s a multipack of pink, purple and turquoise briefs.  He missed one tiny detail; there was a color choice.  Of course I thought this was hilarious (him not so much) and shared it with a friend, who when she saw him next, asked if he was wearing his pink panties.  We died laughing!  All jokes aside, the pink panty incident is an important reminder that it’s the details, ladies.  All the fricking little details, like making sure you order the right color of underwear, that add up over time and can become overwhelming and stressful.

Girl, it all may have looked easy, but it wasn’t.  Do I regret it?  No way.  If I had it to do over, I’d probably do it the same.  But I can’t anymore.  And more importantly, I don't want to.  And that’s ok.  It’s time for change.

My name is Brandy and I can’t do it all.  And I’m not going crazy.  I live in a hood where shit goes down and I love it and hate it, it builds me up and tears me down, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

My family and treasured friends live in that hood, and so does that sweet barista who had my back.  Too many of my sistas in the hood are stressed out and feel like they are going crazy.  We’re gonna change that.  Girl, we got this.

 

Yeah, Sure

I'm a doer.  I like to do things.  Whether it's where I live or the places I visit, I like to do things that are the thing to do there, even the touristy things.  I also like to do the things the locals do; there really is no better way to experience a place.  Back in California I had a few friends who liked to do things too and were always up for an adventure.  We rappelled into caverns, zip lined, ate Ethiopian food, walked across the Golden Gate Bridge, flew through the air on a giant bungee swing, hiked into slot canyons in Utah, and much more.

Zip lining

 Me rappelling into Moaning Cavern

Bungee swing at Great America

Watching the original silent film Phantom of The Opera at the historic Tower Theater

Hiking The Narrows in Zion National Park

But here in Alaska, my social circle isn't quite as large or adventurous yet, so I find myself dependent on the one family member who is generally willing to do anything.

Justin, want to go brave the bears and pick berries?
Yeah, sure.

Justin, want to put on a pink and white shirt and go walk in a breast cancer awareness walk with my co-workers?
Yeah, sure.

Justin, want to ride the train to Denali and back in one day...like tomorrow?
Yeah, sure.

Justin, want to go shopping?
No.

Ok, so maybe he has his limits.

Those of us who are parents will admit that there are things we absolutely love about our kids, and things that make us want to bang our head against a brick wall.  This is the thing I love most about Justin and the thing that makes him most like me.  He is literally willing to do just about anything.....except go shopping.  I am willing to do just about anything except bungee jump.  His refusal stems from sheer boredom, mine from fear of snapping bungees and death.  I would say both are pretty valid concerns, and so we'll avoid both when we're together.

A few years ago my co-workers and I participated in the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer campaign in Fairbanks, which culminated in a walk through downtown Fairbanks to show support for those affected by breast cancer.  I use the word "participated" loosely for myself, because all I did was participate in the walk.  That morning I hit Justin up to accompany me and received the usual, yeah sure response.  He put on an old breast cancer awareness t-shirt I had and came along.

Us at the finish line

The Robinson & Ward group, Team "It Counts".

I stole this picture from the Making Strides Fairbanks FB page.  Such a cool shot of downtown Fairbanks, highlighting the fall colors and the ribbon of pink along the Chena River.

In July of 2016 I decided it was time to try my hand at berry picking.  Berry picking is definitely a thing here in Alaska, and so, you know, I had to do it .  Wild berries are plentiful here and locals spend many hours every summer picking wild blueberries, cranberries and other varieties of berries to make baked goods, preserves, berry infused alcohol, etc.. Joe, the boys, and I had tried the the year before, but had waited too long and found ourselves at the end of the season with little left on the bushes.  Correction, there was nothing left on the bushes.  The scenery was stunning though and the fall colors were in their full splendor, so it was far from a wasted day.  Here's a few pics of that trip, from September 2015.

The view from Murphy Dome

Jason, berry hunting.

Don't really need a container when there's nothing to pick.

Justin, not berry hunting.

It's official........ fall is definitely my favorite time of year here.

So as I mentioned before, in July of 2016 I decided it was time once again to try my hand at berry picking again. Here's the problem with berry picking in Alaska..... as a newbie it's tough to know where to go. Alaskans are super friendly and helpful people in general, however don't expect one to divulge their berry picking spot. There is no greater faux pas you can commit than to ask one to, a crime I sadly committed before being in the know.  More than once.  It can take years of scouting the wilderness to find your berry honey hole and I think Alaskans feel like you need to do the time.  Plus they want those berries for themselves and I certainly can't blame them for that.  Not wanting to venture off into the wilderness without Joe..... because well, who else loves berries even more than humans?  Bears do, that's who......... I decided to try one of the few places that are pretty openly known and was just a few miles from home.  I hit Justin up one Saturday morning and got the usual yeah, sure response.  We hit the outdoor supply store, purchased some rubber boots and were off.

It didn't take long to figure out why this spot was so "well known".  It was like the Great Alaskan Wetlands.  Water up to your knees and you had to cross a marshy river dang near as wide as the Yukon to get to where the berry bushes were.  Ok maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration but when you're standing on it's edge contemplating your crossing with short stubby legs like mine, and you're not all that graceful on said stubs, it might as well be the Yukon.  Justin and I made a few test steps to gauge it's depth and then panic ensued as it felt like my foot was going to get sucked into the marshy abyss.  At best I'd lose my new cute purple rubber boot, at worst.....I'd never be seen again.  We needed Plan B.

It wasn't long before Plan B presented itself.  We were lucky enough to find a board someone had left to cross over, so we made it across without incident.  I was not so lucky on the return trip, but we'll talk about that later.  Once you got to the bushes the blueberries were plentiful enough, but it's back breaking work to pick them.  And walking around out there?  Ridiculous!  There were these mounds hidden by the low growing bushes with gorges deeper than the Grand Canyon between them.  If you missed a mound or slid off one, you were lucky to not break an ankle. And it's not like rubber boots are the most agile of footwear, so it happened quite often.   Let's not forget that while you're focused on not breaking a leg, you have to keep an eye out for berry hunting wildlife too.  I could literally hear the laughter of the local Alaskans.....that'll teach the newbie to ask where berries are...send her to Nordale Road!  Lol!  Here's the only pic I got of that fiasco.

At least it was a beautiful day.

When I had finally had enough, Justin and I headed back to the car with our one cup worth of blueberries.  Justin hung with me for a while but finally I told him to just go ahead to the car and wait for me there.  He might as well have been skipping through a grassy meadow.  He made it back in no time, crossed the Yukon and was back at the car while I still had miles to go.  When I finally made it to the Yukon, I could not find the board.  I went up and down looking for it but the Gods had hidden it (or maybe it was the locals trying to punish me even more for my crimes) and it was no where to be found.  Now I'm starting to get tired because the terrain is very difficult and I'm over it.  I call Justin on the cell phone and ask him to come show me where the board is.  He does and of course it's like a mile away from where I stood.  I start to make my way there but my legs are super tired, and finally can't correct a misplaced foot.  Down I go, submerged in water (because of course I fell sideways into the Yukon) with only my hand holding the tub of blueberries sticking up out of the water.  I was saving those damn berries if it was the last thing I did!  I decided right then and there that the next time I decided to go berry picking, I'd be heading out into the wilderness on the four wheeler to find my own berry honey hole.  I'll face a bear any day before I'll do that Nordale Road crap again.

A few weeks later I got bored again and decided it would be fun to ride the train to Denali and back. It was on my Alaska Bucket List after all, to ride the Alaska Railroad. Who did I hit up?  Yeah sure boy and as usual he was game.

We had to be at the depot early, so to get him moving I promised a stop at the donut shop on our way. Justin, aka Mr. Donut Lord (his gamer tag) loves, loves, loves a donut.

The train ride from Fairbanks to Denali would take us 4 hours to traverse 121 scenic miles.  We'd have just under 4 hours to explore Denali and then be back on the train for the 4 hour return trip.  Wait, 4 hours to travel 121 miles?  This clearly was no high speed rail.  And for good reason.  A person takes the train to enjoy the scenery and hopefully spot some wildlife.  That would be a bit difficult if you're whizzing by at top speed.

And so, with donuts in our bellies and a coffee in my hand, we set off on our Alaska by train adventure.

Our train was the Denali Star and our tickets were in the Adventure Class (aka the not-so-cheap cheap seats).  It's actually quite smart of the railroad to call the cheap seats "Adventure class" if you think about it......makes you sound and feel more like an adventurer than a cheapskate.

The Denali Star

Justin and I boarded the train and quickly found some seats.  The train was maybe 40% full, so there were plenty to choose from.  We ended up sharing a car with about 14 older folks who were on a grand Alaska tour, led by a super friendly and knowledgeable older gentleman named Dave. He proceeded to tell them all about the train, where the dining car was, where the restrooms were; all super helpful information for the kid and I.  Soon the train blew it's whistle and we were off.

Just a few minutes in as we're heading out of town, Dave tells his charges to look out the right hand side of the train for a glimpse of the truck yard and offices of Carlile Transportation, the trucking company made famous by the History Channel show Ice Road Truckers.  They all stand up to get a better view and one gentleman in particular gets super excited and announces that he's watched every episode of that show.  He fills the rest of them in on how dangerous the haul road is and how brave and crazy the drivers who drive it are.  Justin and I couldn't help but smile because we live with one of those crazy drivers and have both made the trip up the haul road with him.  You can read all about my experience doing that here Take Your Wife to Work Weekend.

After Carlile, the train meanders past the University of Fairbanks and it's experimental farm where they have a reindeer research program.  Our train mates were excited to see real reindeer.  Justin and I had seen Santa's reindeer up close and personal in North Pole, so we weren't nearly as excited.

Santa's reindeer in North Pole

Justin and I with one of Santa's reindeer at the Cruisin' with Santa car show in May 2015

Once the train passed the university it made it's way through the historic gold mining districts that surround Fairbanks.  There is a tour guide on the train who tells you all kinds of interesting information about the gold mining history of the area and what you're seeing along the way.  She was seated in the Gold car, so us "adventurers" never saw her but could hear her just fine.  She pointed out old trapper cabins from the 1800's, beaver dams, wildlife, and the Usibelli Coal Mine which is the only active coal mine in Alaska.  That must be where Santa gets the coal he needs for the stockings of those on his naughty list.  Here's something cool I learned along the way...... evidently single beavers usually build their lodges on the edge of ponds, but parent beavers will build it in the middle of the pond because it it more protected there from predators.  The lengths us parents go to to protect our young......

After a bit we decided to make our way to the dining car for a snack. We found ourselves a nice table next to a large window and proceeded to pass the time with a few hands of Uno.

    Here's some scenery for you to enjoy while I ruthlessly beat my child at Uno.

The color of the river water makes it look like flowing cement.  This is due to the silt in the glacial run off water that feeds the rivers here.

Once we made it to Denali we departed the train at the depot and made the short walk to the Visitor's Center.  We didn't have much time to explore, so we decided to catch the shuttle to the Sled Dog Kennels and see the new litter of puppies they had.  Unfortunately we didn't get to see the puppies as they had not been introduced to the public yet.  The park was giving mom and babies some privacy until they got a bit bigger and stronger.  So we lavished some attention on a few of the other dogs instead.

It being a nice day and all, we decided to make the return trip to the train depot on foot by way of the Roadside Trail.  The map said it was only 1.8 miles of moderately strenuous walking and some fellow visitors said it was all down hill, so we should have plenty of time to make it back to the depot in time to depart.  I mean, how long can it take to walk 1.8 miles?

It was a beautiful walk, that I can say.  You meander through birch, aspen and spruce forests, past wildflowers and berry bushes.  The scenery is gorgeous, as you would expect in Denali National Park.  But it's not all downhill, and isn't always "roadside".  A few times we were taking switchbacks up and over a hill and I started to wonder if we had accidentally taken a wrong turn.  I wasn't too keen about getting too far from the road, not being properly prepared to encounter an animal that may not appreciate our presence and all.  And it took about 1 hour and 45 minutes.  How it took that long, I do not know.  But it did.  Evidently I'm a bit of a slow walker as I enjoy the scenery.  Must be my stubby legs.

The Roadside Trail, at a point when in was in fact, roadside.

             

Justin waiting for me and my stubby legs.

Blueberries! And no Yukon to cross to get to them!

Lions, tigers and bears.......

Me and Yeah, Sure Boy

A storm's a'brewin........

Cranberries, ....I think.

Remember that storm that was a'brewin?  Well, it cut loose about the last ten minutes of our hike and we had to pull out our rain coats.  All in all though, it was a fun and beautiful hike and we made it back to the train depot with enough time to grab a quick snack before the train departed.

Once back on the train, we headed to the meal car for dinner.  I had pot roast, which was actually quite tasty and Justin had a frozen pizza thing.  After we ate, this was Justin......

And this was me......

Happy to have crossed off a bucket list item while having fun with my kiddo.  Double win!